Crossing the Line...
People of the Interwebs. Hello. My name is Nathan Buck. I am the fourth, and usually silent, member of the trace metal team. Unfortunately, I am going to have to break silence here and take over the blog responsibilities from Peter, who has found himself in a spot of trouble. Big, big trouble. You see, Peter is trespassing and for this crime he is going to have to face a most dastardly punishment, which is why he can no longer write for his precious little blog here. Confused? Most of you should be but don't worry, I am about to give you a thorough explanation of Peter's predicament. But in order to give an accurate account, I will have to take a couple steps back and fill you in with some backstory. So if you will indulge me....
Pete and Randy - Pollywogs |
There are plenty more - Tantalus was made to stand in a pool of water which receded every time he attempted to drink it and below a tree whose fruit he could never quite grasp for eternity for stealing some ambrosia from Zeus's table. Odysseus, during his return to Ithaca, visits the witch-goddess Circe and she feeds his men wine and cheese, which turns them into swine. Poseidon straps Cassiopeia to a chair in the heavens in such a manner that as she circles the celestial pole she is upside down half the time simply for being too beautiful. There are a boat load of these punishment tales - the Greeks seemed to really like them - and I ask you to recall these tragedies for two reasons. First, you shouldn't really anger the gods because they will put a hurt on you and I think we forget that sometimes with our fancy new age living. Second, this is a little taste of what Pete's life is going to be like for the next four or five days.
Lowly Pollywogs Randy and Peter Morton
Summons. Having gained entry without due initiation, and thus trespassing with malice into the Royal Dominion of King Neptune, ruler of the Raging Main, and with proof of crimes committed by you against the laws and common practices of the realm, you Randy and Peter shall hence forth bear the names and respectively. Names which you must answer to until such time as you are cleared of your crimes and have been duly initiated into the Royal Order of King Neptune's Honorable Citizens, the Trusty Shellbacks.
. You are hereby found guilty of the following crimes:
Breaking he-man strength.
Using "dagum" .
Raising
music Dream Theater.
You are hereby been found guilty of the following crimes:
Polluting Dream Theater.
Polluting bowel
movements exhaust fan.
Subjecting , poor father,
Employing leather chaps.
Punishment. As convicts in Neptune's realm you have one choice and that is the choice of no choice. Your punishment for the crimes detailed above are as follows: you must wear at all times not contaminate his Majesty's ship with your . Additionally, supplies clean. For to demonstrate your worthiness to be deemed a Shellback you must
His presence.
These two despicable Wogs will floors and passageways
poop decks. deterge sterilize your grundels. They
happy ending. And they will do so until their appearance at King Neptune's court. May he have mercy upon their souls.
When King Neptune, who will be accompanied by his wife the Queen and his scribe Davy Jones, does board, he will most likely want to inspect the ship and he will want it clean. So Pete and Randy have a lot of cleaning to do the next several days. The King and his party will then want to be entertained, per usual, so let's hope Peter and Randy have some hidden talents or know how to put on a good skit because they will be the ones doing the entertaining. After entertainment the court proceedings will begin. Of course this is all for show, this trial, Peter and Randy are already guilty. We all know it. But Neptune loves semantics. After being officially proclaimed guilty there are only three more things our lowly Wogs must do to end their misery. They will have to visit the royal surgeon to be cured of their sickness, then the barber to have their hair fixed. Lastly, they must make a trip through the whale's mouth where they will emerge not as wogs, but Trusty Shellbacks and able to roam Neptune's Realm unimpeded.
Note: The ritual of crossing the equator and paying homage to King Neptune is a long one, going back many years into the past. While in the times of wooden sailing ships, this rite could become a little dangerous, now it is a opportunity for a party enjoyed by most of the scientists and crew. This is a fun optional event on board ship in which most everyone participates. People may join/opt out at any time during the 'trial.'
Punishment. As convicts in Neptune's realm you have one choice and that is the choice of no choice. Your punishment for the crimes detailed above are as follows: you must wear at all times not contaminate his Majesty's ship with your . Additionally, supplies clean. For to demonstrate your worthiness to be deemed a Shellback you must
His presence.
These two despicable Wogs will floors and passageways
poop decks. deterge sterilize your grundels. They
happy ending. And they will do so until their appearance at King Neptune's court. May he have mercy upon their souls.
When King Neptune, who will be accompanied by his wife the Queen and his scribe Davy Jones, does board, he will most likely want to inspect the ship and he will want it clean. So Pete and Randy have a lot of cleaning to do the next several days. The King and his party will then want to be entertained, per usual, so let's hope Peter and Randy have some hidden talents or know how to put on a good skit because they will be the ones doing the entertaining. After entertainment the court proceedings will begin. Of course this is all for show, this trial, Peter and Randy are already guilty. We all know it. But Neptune loves semantics. After being officially proclaimed guilty there are only three more things our lowly Wogs must do to end their misery. They will have to visit the royal surgeon to be cured of their sickness, then the barber to have their hair fixed. Lastly, they must make a trip through the whale's mouth where they will emerge not as wogs, but Trusty Shellbacks and able to roam Neptune's Realm unimpeded.
Note: The ritual of crossing the equator and paying homage to King Neptune is a long one, going back many years into the past. While in the times of wooden sailing ships, this rite could become a little dangerous, now it is a opportunity for a party enjoyed by most of the scientists and crew. This is a fun optional event on board ship in which most everyone participates. People may join/opt out at any time during the 'trial.'